Did He Just Invite Himself?

I held off writing Sam back until the morning after we landed in LA.

“I am good, just got back from Paris. How are you?”

After I had slept in to combat my jetlag, I got up to unpack and run some errands. My apartment desperately needed fresh flowers and food!

The next day a package arrived at the office, I had no idea what I had ordered but I was happy to open it! As I opened the box I could tell, it wasn’t something I ordered, but something sent to me- a gift. It was from Peter, an early Valentines Day gift. The card was sweet, and when I open the box my mouth dropped to the floor. He had seen on my blog a handbag I had posted, the “it” bag of the moment, the Rag & Bone pilot bag. This amazing, beautiful bag was mine? Later that day a dozen heart and love themed decorated cupcakes arrived at the office as well.

I immediately called Peter, “Wow, thank you, but it is too much!” I said, of course, thinking how perfect it was! He was kind, sweet and very excited I liked the bag.

An hour later I get a text from Sam, “Are you still going to Aspen for Presidents Day weekend? I think I will come too!” Wait, what? I thought. Why would he come to Aspen on that weekend? How did he even remember I was going?

“Who are you coming with?” I asked. “No one, I figure we could hang out… I miss you.” Awe, I wanted to believe that he missed me, what a romantic gesture. We would have so much fun in the mountains playing in the snow! He was full of bullshit, but at that moment I ate it right up!

The next day Jaxton called to ask me out for Valentines Day. WTF was going on, was mercury in retrograde? It was like the ghost of boyfriends past were all coming back to haunt me! Sadly I would be in Aspen on Valentines Day, and now it looked like I would most likely be spending it with Sam and my friends. Jaxton rarely called me, and he never had asked me out for Valentines Day, I was sad I wouldn’t be home to see him.

My thoughts quickly turned to the fact that I hadn’t seen Sam in a few months and after eating my way through Paris I had one week to get my body back…. Totally doable- right? That night after work, I went to the gym before meeting a girlfriend out for sushi. After my workout I was feeling awesome; I had really sweated it out. I grabbed a towel and jumped in the shower.

Now a women’s locker room is always an interesting place and a women’s locker room in an LA posh gym is even more interesting! Some women have no shame and choose to walk around totally naked. Some pose in the mirror with no tops on and pretend to be fixing their hair, some try and cover their bodies with as many towels as possible. Then course there is Janice Dickenson shaving her lady bits by the sinks. Not kidding at all, it is an image I will never get out of my head.

I am somewhere in between. I have always loved my body, ok not always, but big or small it was mine and once I was in my thirties I decided I should be nice to her. I get out of the shower and squeeze my hair out. I would usually put on my underwear and walk to get some body lotion, but in my jetlag haze I didn’t bring a fresh pair. No biggie I thought, I will just go commando to dinner. Just as I rounded the corner of the lockers to get some body lotion, I see her. My one “would, coulda, shoulda” guys’ new fitness model child bride. I was stark naked, with extra of me around the middle, and she was a twenty-something fitness model who was dressed in a very chic outfit applying lip-gloss and adjusting her perfectly messy bun in the mirror. They lived in Chicago, why was she even in my locker room??? She had never been a big fan of mine, though I had only met her once or twice, and after a sly smile she turned on her heels and walked out, looking over her shoulder at me as she rounded the corner. I wanted to cry, but instead I just started hysterically laughing. I am sure everyone else in the locker room was convinced I was sharing pills with Janice Dickenson and had lost it, but at that moment if I didn’t laugh I would have cried and I had made vow to myself to not cry at the gym anymore.

She was married to my college love, Mark. He was my “one that got away,” even though I broke it off with him. I try not to have regrets in my life but if I had one, breaking up with him was it.

As I packed for Aspen, I felt myself getting excited and nervous that I would see Sam. I had not introduced a guy to my friends since I had left my marriage. In Aspen, I wouldn’t’ be able to avoid it. I packed the usual amounts of jeans, boots, cashmere, fur and a few things just in case I decided to ski. I also slipped in a few sexier pieces just in case I needed them.

I landed on a Wednesday, and Sam wouldn’t arrive until Friday afternoon, so it was the perfect time for me to settle in and see friends. After a boozy rosé lunch one afternoon the girls decided to go shopping. The new Rag & Bone store had opened and I just happened to stumble wonder in. After a few moments of wondering around I laid my eyes on the most perfect pair of leather pants I had ever seen. As I slipped them on I knew, I was in heaven. They fit like a glove, and my ass looked amazing! I had to have them. One issue; the price. I wasn’t really in a position to pay that much for a pair of pants; it was a half of my monthly rent! After a few moments, I had rationalized myself into the pants.

The next day Sam arrived into town and text me the moment he landed.

“I am here, what’s the plan?” He text.

“I will be at après later, meet me there?” I text. I didn’t want to seem too anxious.

I arrived at après the appropriate amount of late and walked in with a group of friends. I was a bit nervous to see him, and it bugged me. My friends and I went to the bar, I spotted him as moved across the room but didn’t didn’t let him know. He moved toward me at the bar and smiled. Once I saw him, I couldn’t help but show my excitement.

After several rounds of drinks, we decided to clean up and go for sushi. Couple friends of mine were game, and I was excited for Sam to know them. I rushed home, showered and threw on my sexy Wolford tights with my favorite long sleeve ALC dress and headed to dinner. I was determined not to be an easy get that night, but it didn’t hurt to make him want it.

Dinner was amazing, Sam ordered a fabulously expensive sake. We ate sushi till we were going to burst, danced at a club, at the end of the night I said goodbye and went home.

Sam wanted to ski the next day and even though I was totally inept I said yes because I had an invite for lunch at the top of the mountain and could bring a guest. After lunch, I told Sam I would meet him at the bottom. He was a much better skier than I, and it made me even more nervous to have someone watch me while I took my time. By the end of the day, we were skiing together more, and it was perfect. After the we skied down during the last run of the day we went straight to après and had a drink! We had dinner plans that night as well so again; I went back to the house I was staying at; showered and changed. Only this time I decided to give my new leather pants a run. We were invited to a big group dinner, and though I was nervous about taking Sam, it was fun! He was interesting, funny, the right amount of attentive and made everyone at the table adore him. I am sure I was beaming. Soon after my 100th glass of wine, not a real number.. I am just estimating. We decided again went dancing and then decided to have one more drink….at his hotel. Needless to say I got to experience three-move man again and the next morning my walk of shame home in a full-length mink coat was not my proudest moment. I left his hotel early in the hopes to not run into anyone I knew. When I arrived at the home, my plan was to sneak in and get a few more hours of sleep. As I sat in the mudroom taking off my shoes and coat, my friend Ted walked up the stairs. Ted was a very close friend, almost like a brother.

“Where are you going this early?” He asked.

Before I could even make up a good excuse, a huge smile came over his face as he looked at me from head to toe (realizing I was wearing the same thing as last night).

“What?!?” I said defensively. Which only made me blush and look super guilty.

“Are you just coming in?” He said with a huge grin.

I removed my shoes, looked at him with a slight smile and said, “wouldn’t you like to know?” I walked down the stairs to my room and went back to sleep.

Single & Stylish

xx Keylee

The only thing I do not like living in Los Angeles is our lack of seasons! I have a lot of sweaters, boots, and coats that never get the wear they deserve. This time of year is my weakness, all the fabulous winter favorites go on sale!!! Here are a few things that are perfect for a mountain getaway or just enjoying brisk weather!

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.


Where do I begin?  Jaxton is not just some guy that I have known for a long time, he is so much more.  I can’t even think of the right word to describe him where it will make sense to anyone else. Have you ever had a guy come into your life that just changed everything? You couldn’t explain it to anyone, but you changed as a person. A guy that knew you better than you knew yourself and touched you deep inside making you look at life differently? That was Jaxton for me. It all started 11 years ago on a very hot August day in Palm Springs, it was about 110 degrees outside and I had been driving for hours.  I was late to pick up my tickets for Miss Teen USA, I was there to attend the show and was not in a good mood to say the least.  As I am trying to get into the building a guy comes to the door I assume he is a PA or an intern or something, “Can I help you?” he asks.  “Yes, where is the executive office?  I need my tickets” I snapped at him.  He tried to make small talk but I didn’t have the time of day and I breezed past him in search of my tickets.  I have to admit, I was a total bitch that day! Later that night, just as the show was starting I see him dressed in a suit shaking hands and kissing babies (sort of speak) in the front row of the audience, as I was being sat just a few seats away, he smiled at me.  Huh? Is that the same guy?  No, can’t be.  I thought to myself.  After the show he walks over to say hi.  He immediately says “you thought I was an intern didn’t you?”  “What?  Of course not” I answer back as I notice my face is getting hot.   He laughed and immediately knew I was lying.  From the moment we met he could read me like a book.

Fast forward to today, 11 years  later and there is no man on the planet who knows me better.  Jaxton knows everything there is to know about me, literally everything, which is one of the scariest things about him.  We have been through it all; some of the most romantic moments of my life have been with this man, he has caused me serious heartbreak and I have had the most connected sex of my life with him.  I think my favorite thing about him is that he has never judged me, not once.  He knows all of my deepest darkest secrets, desires, dreams.  I never had to act a certain way or pretend with him, he was one of my closest friends and we had been through a lot together.  He had even seen me cry a time or two and no one sees me cry!   He wasn’t just Jaxton … he was my Jaxton.

The night after I arrived in LA we were scheduled to have dinner.  He had picked a small Italian place that I loved.  Lots of twinkle lights, cobblestone floors, small tables- it reminds me of being in Europe.  As I got ready I found myself nervous and it was so strange.  I had been to dinner with him a 100 times why would I be nervous?  Ugh, a flash of his face that night in LA a month ago when my husband introduced himself went through my head.   I started to think, I wonder if he is going to be upset with me?  How could I have gotten married and NOT told him?  He was one of the most important people in my life and I had kept it from him.  I would be furious if he had done that to me. We had never lied to each other about anything….until then.   I didn’t have time to think about that I had more important things to deal with like, what would I wear to dinner?  I was still in my I want to wear sweats in public phase, which thank goodness never happened because I don’t own sweats.  Suddenly staring at my suitcases and boxes the answer came to me, a dress! Dresses were always my fall back outfit and I found one that was cute but not too sexy added some boots and a coat and was out the door.  I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea but I wasn’t dead, I still wanted to look good!

I walked downstairs, called a cab and said goodnight to the boys (they were so happy to see me going out- I hadn’t left the house much or my room for that matter).  I knew in my state of mind and my track record of liquor intake the last three weeks driving was not a smart idea.   As I waited for the cab I got a text from my husband.  Just seeing his name made the vomit rise in my throat.   He had been on me about talking again soon and he wanted us to go to therapy together.  I was not even remotely interested but decided it was better to just not respond in that moment.  I still had a 1000 unanswered question and no plan of how to get any of them answered.  He had hurt me so deeply, it was unforgivable and the love I once felt was starting to numb inside of me.  I was finally excited for something, this dinner, and I wasn’t about to let my mind remind me of the reality that was my life.

I arrived at the restaurant and stepped out of the cab.  I walked in and told the hostess I was there and gave Jaxton’s name.  She told me I was the first to arrive and my heart dropped to the floor.  I bet he decided not to come, I thought.  My head started spinning.   I grabbed my phone and frantically checked my messages.  Nothing.   The hostess offered to seat me but I didn’t dare.  What if he didn’t show at all and then I was setting at the table alone?  I was WAY too fragile for that.  Just as I started to panic he breezed through the door.  In reality he was less than 5 minutes late but that night it seems liked an hour.  When I looked up and saw his face I immediately felt safe, happy and special.   Those are three things I hadn’t felt in a very long time.   He smiled at me and I smiled back- a very big smile!  He walked up and wrapped his arms around me to say hello and I melted.  I buried my head in his neck, his smell was familiar and in that moment the last 8 years ran through my mind.

As our entire history flashed through my head, I was reminded it hadn’t all been happy memories.  I remember once, before my I met my husband, I was at Jaxton’s home and suddenly we were fighting, I stormed to the car and then of course he called.  I was driving back to my house and as we fought over the phone I foolishly, in a moment of rage, said “don’t ever call me again, I mean it, we are done forever!”  Almost instantly I had to pull my car over to the side of the road to throw up.  Never in my life had I had a physical reaction such as that.  I think that was the moment I knew he would be in my life forever and of course that was not the last time we spoke.

We sat down to dinner immediately ordered martini’s to start and a bottle of wine to pair with our food.  Once the waitress had left us he reached across the table and grabbed my hand.  “How are you, Keylee?”  He had this thing where he always said my name, I loved it and had no idea why.  As he asked how I was and looked directly into my eyes I started to almost tear up.  It was like he looked through me and like no one else on the planet had asked me this question before. “Hanging in there,” I said.  “Some days are good and others are total shit.”  For the first time I was honest, I felt no need to put on an act for him.   We talked and I gave him the short version of the story and then we moved on in the conversation, he knew me well enough to know I didn’t want to talk about it all night.  The rest of the conversation was about how work was going for him, how our families were doing, where I was going to live in LA, etc.  It was pure bliss.

After about my second glass of wine I started to relax.  I was relaxed having fun and was with someone who knew everything that was going on in my life, no walls up, no hiding anything.  It was such a relief.  Pretty soon I had another feeling, it was not something I had felt in a long time, suddenly I wanted to kiss him.  Wait, I couldn’t’ kiss him, I was married!  Right?  No, I was separated.  Right?   My husband had another relationship the entire time we were together… I could do anything I wanted!   Right?  This was so confusing. Suddenly I realized Jaxton had asked me a question and I had no idea what he had said!  I was so wrapped up thinking about his lips and my own internal debate I had missed the conversation completely.   The good thing about our relationship was I just started laughing and said, “I have no idea what you just asked me because I was thinking about how much I want to kiss you.”   He looked and replied, “I need to use the restroom.”  WHAT?  That is not what he was supposed to say!  He got up and as he headed to the back of the restaurant he leaned down, gently grabbed my chin and kissed me.  I almost fell out of my chair.  I went numb from my lips to my toes.  As he walked to the bathroom I did the only thing I could think to do… I chugged the rest of my wine.

We had kissed before, we had done a lot more than kiss, but this was different.  I was emotionally raw and hadn’t kissed another man in over 6 years.  I suddenly felt alive and not like a wounded puppy.   He came back to the table and we finished dinner.  Before I knew it we were the last two people in the restaurant and on the 10th time the waitress asked if we wanted to order anything else we finally got the hint, payed our bill and walked outside.  Before I could say, I guess I should call a cab; he grabbed me around the waist and started kissing me.  Passionately, kissing me.  The valet was about 10 feet away and as a cab was heading our way he flagged it down.  It wasn’t until the cab started honking we even noticed it was there.  Jaxton pulled back, keeping his hands on my face and laced in my hair, and looked at me.  I took a few steps to the curb and then turned back,  “It’s a lonely time of night, maybe we should just share a cab home.  I mean your place is on the way and everything.”  He hopped in next to me and we started kissing again.  The cab driver turned and looked at us, cleared his throat and asked “one stop or two?”  Jaxton and I stopped kissing, looked at each other and waited for the other one to answer.

Single & Stylish! xx Keylee

Going out to dinner with a man, friend or flirt, needs just the right look.  I always default to a dress and heel.  Here are some great dinner/ dinner date looks:


*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life and my experiences.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.