Twenty Seconds Of Insane Courage.

After dinner with a friend it happened, my 20 seconds of total courage. I was in the elevator and gave a courtesy hello to the man that walked in with me. I usually never even look at the other person or people in an elevator with me. Once he said hello back, I couldn’t help but look. He was handsome, dressed in a black suit custom black suit, white shirt left slightly open with no tie, glasses, olive skin. More than his physical looks, he had that silent something. From the moment, he opened his mouth I could feel the electricity between us. We both found ourselves at the valet, and we tried to make small talk. I went to what I know, and since he was wearing the most beautiful pair of black Italian shoes I decided to comment. The best part was that he had different color laces, one that had come with the shoe in black and the other; he had obviously put the lace in the shoe himself, was blue. So I said that the obvious, “ I like your laces.”

He smiled slightly and said, “Yeah, well I need to take them to wardrobe and have them fix the lacing.”

“Well if we weren’t standing in a valet line I would fix them for you, it’s what I do for a living.” I quipped back.

“I’m Tony,” he said as he stuck out his hand.

“Hi, my name Keylee,” I replied.

He smiled at me, and the chemistry was strong I felt like the walls behind him were moving around us. You know, one of those moments when the world keeps moving, but you stand still? Suddenly my car pulled up.

“Is that your car?” He asked, knowing it wasn’t his.

“Yeah,” I said like I was thirteen years old.

“Too bad,” he replied.

“ Yeah, too bad,” I repeated. “Well, see you around.”

“I hope,” he replied with a slight smile.

Damn! I thought to myself. He was cute and nice, I wish the valet would have taken their time! Why did my car come so fast? As I pulled out of the garage, the attendant took my ticket. I could see another car pulling around, and I assumed it was his. I decided to be brave, I reached in my handbag and got a business card.

“There is going to me a handsome man in a black suit pulling out directly behind me, would you please give this to him?” I said to the attendant.

“Sure,” he answered clearly taken back a bit by my request.

I thanked him with a smile and pulled out of the garage. Go me, I thought to myself!

Within two minutes, my text alert went off on my phone. At the next stoplight I looked down, it was from a number I didn’t know, the text read; “The best move I have seen yet. Very smooth. I like it.”

My stomach flipped. I waited till I got home, only about 5 minutes, and text him back, “Thanks, I do what I can! It was nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, maybe we could go to dinner sometime?” He shot back.

“Is that an invite?” I text.

“Yeah, I will text you tomorrow from set when I know my schedule. Have a good night.” He shot back.

I, of course, didn’t text him back, and the cynical part of me thought it would be the last time I would hear from him. The single hopeful part of me felt my stomach flip again. What does he mean, “on set?” Ugh, clearing he worked in the industry- blah. I had no interest in dating an actor!

The next morning I got out of bed with a bit of bounce in my step, patting myself on the back for my bold move! Even if nothing else happened, it was a good move.

By lunch, he had text me again asking me to dinner. I was leaving town for the weekend but said I would be back early the following week, and I would love to meet him for dinner. He text back, “great, I will make a plan and let you know.”

Again, history had taught me not to hold my breath but something about him was different. That weekend I was in Chicago for a girlfriends birthday, I mentioned my impending date but that I couldn’t figure out who he was. After a bit of research it landed, and I was in shock. He was not only a bi-costal restaurant owner he was also working in television though I was totally sure what his project was. Us girls were chatting about him over a few cocktails when one of the girls piped up, “isn’t he married?” “WHAT,” I shrieked. “Are you serious? I don’t think so. Maybe we have the wrong guy?” I said, praying I was right. Damn it Google image, it was no mistake that was Tony though I couldn’t find anything about a wife. I decided to change the subject and deal with this later.

When I got back to LA, all I could think about was Tony. About that time he text to confirm dinner. I agreed, and it suddenly occurred to me, maybe this is a business dinner. I mentioned that I was a stylist, and maybe he needs one. Maybe he has zero interest in me at all, and this is all about work. I decided to play it safe and pick a dress that was 90% businesswoman and 10% sexy businesswoman, a bold handbag and Louboutins to top off the look. It was perfect for my non-date/ possible business meeting evening.

When I walked into the restaurant, which I had never been to, the first thing I noticed was his face on a cookbook, front, and center. Wait, what? Did he ask me to dinner at his restaurant? Part of me sighed with relief; clearly this was a business meeting. When I told the host, I was there to meet Tony she immediately took me to a fabulous table and asked me to wait. Soon he showed up with a bottle of wine and sat down. I noticed his name was on the bottle, but I said nothing. We made small talk at first and when it was time to order, he asked what I liked. I told him just to order, he obviously knew the best things on the menu. The wine was amazing, the food was fabulous, and the conversation beat it all.

As we sat there, I went back and forth in my head. Date or meeting? Date or meeting? He told me he like my dress, totally a date! It felt like a date; the conversation was like a date, and I wanted to kiss him like it was a date. Then he turned the conversation to work, so maybe it was a meeting. I was confused.

Then the conversation turned back into a date, “so do you have any kids?” He asked.

I gave my standard date answer, “No, not yet, but I defiantly want a family.”

“Kids are the best,” he said.

“So you have kids?” I asked casually.

“Yeah I have two, they are amazing.” He said with a smile as he reached for his phone.

As he scrolled through photos of his two boys, one photo was with a woman that appeared to be a mom. “Is that his mom?” I asked.

“Yeah, that is my wife.” He said like it was no big deal.

Meeting, yep this is a meeting, this for sure is a meeting. Oh, shit I thought to myself I hope he doesn’t think that I think this is a date.

He went on, “we haven’t been married very long and are separated but are really good friends, so we are staying together for the boys. We don’t even really live together anymore.”

No, no, no, I said to myself. It doesn’t matter what he says; he is MARRIED! End of story.

As we finished dinner and walked to the valet, I handed them my ticket. As we stood waiting for my car, it felt like a date again. Something about his eyes was mesmerizing. As my car pulled up he gave me a hug, I thanked him for dinner, and we said goodbye. He got into his car, and I drove home. “DAMN IT,” I screamed in my car alone. I have a connection with this guy and of course he is fucking married! Sigh.

Single and Stylish,
xx Keylee

Give the attendant my business card was a bold move and if you know me I do love bold things. Nothing says bold like a bright red handbag! I am loving the new super bright orange-red and poppy red colors for summer!


*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I Wore A Sweatshirt To Dinner, It Was That Bad.

I landed in LA still in a daze, I don’t know why I was so surprised my husband went back on his word to help me out financially and shut down our bank account with no notice, but somehow I was.  He had lied for over six years and all of a sudden I am surprised??? Now who is the crazy one?

After I landed I went home and took a nap, my body was like a rag doll.  Soon my girlfriends were calling and telling me we were going out for sushi.  I told them NO way, I wasn’t going anywhere and to top it off I had no money (well I had money, but I had no access to it).  I was perfectly happy cocooned in my bed and old oversized cashmere sweater with holes in it that I wore around when I was feeling sick or depressed. I wasn’t going anywhere!  After being told I didn’t’ really have a choice and they would cover me at dinner and realizing that I hadn’t eaten since three bites of dinner the night before I motivated enough to change into jeans and a sweatshirt.  Just for the record it was a cute, stylish sweatshirt, it was just sushi after all.  They picked me up and we were headed to our favorite local spot.

We sat down and I picked the seat with my back to the door, the last thing I needed was to see anyone I knew.  We ordered a bit of sushi and a bottle of sake, then another bottle of sake, then a few beers, then another bottle of sake, and another.  At first when the girls asked if I wanted to talk about everything of course I said no but somewhere after the second bottle of sake, or was it the third, I was cursing my husband at a volume not acceptable for a small sushi restaurant.  Next thing I know, due to my super clear head and excellent judgment I agreed, with very little persuasion, to go out for drinks.  I only agreed to go if we could go to the one place where I knew men would not be an issue; The Abbey, West Hollywood’s most famous and fabulous gay bar!   As soon as we arrived I had another genius thought, we all needed shots!  I headed straight to the back bar past the go-go dancers and ordered a round.  Mr. Tall handsome, scruffy facial hair, baseball cap, cut arms and tight t-shirt said “don’t worry about it, the shots are on me,” and before I knew it I was half way on the bar and in a lip lock.  Not leaning on the bar but on the bar, I don’t even know how I got up there so quickly.  Only in West Hollywood is this acceptable to the point that no one even batted an eye.  The crowd and dancers might be gay at The Abbey, but the bartenders were straight.  After coming back to reality, I grabbed the shots and set out to find the girls and tell them about my free shots and spontaneous make out. Maybe I should be depressed and wear sweatshirts out drinking more often, it seemed to work pretty well in LA!  When I suggested we do another round of shots, clearly just so I could sneak another kiss, I realized I was having a bit too much fun and the girls gently pointed out that maybe I needed to go home!

I woke up the next morning, with a throbbing headache from a hangover, and realized I had to get a plan, but first I needed breakfast.  I ordered breakfast from my favorite corner cafe; green juice, fresh squeezed orange juice, buckwheat pancakes and turkey bacon.  I slipped on the biggest pair of sunglasses I could find, between the crying for two days and night out drinking I looked like something that got caught in the drain, and I walked to the corner to pick it up my food, as I was walking out of my building my phone rang.  I was scared to even look at the number but when I saw it was my friend James I decided to pick up.

“Talk quietly, I am super hungover.  I wore a sweatshirt out last night… a sweatshirt James!!  Then I made out with a bartender at The Abbey, oh and I asked my husband for a divorce two days ago… well I asked the therapist for one.  It’s a long story and I can’t talk about it right now.” I said without ever even saying hello.

“Which bartender, short and stalky or the tall one with the scruffy beard?”  he asked.

“Tall with a scruffy beard, wait how to you know the bartenders?  I asked

“It’s The Abbey, every gay man knows the bartenders, they make out with every straight girl that comes in.  Anyway, that is not why I am calling.  I have a favor to ask you” he said.

Feeling more special than ever and no in the mood to grant any favors I ask “what kind of favor?”

“You know how I am in Greece next month?  Well, my friend Andrew is coming to town and he is really fun and your age and I would really appreciate it if you could just have dinner or something.  I will connect you by email first.  Ok?” he asked.

“James, no.  I am not in the mood to date anyone and certainly not babysit someone for you.  Can’t he just wait till you are back in town?”  I replied.

“Keylee you will love him I promise.  Just answer the email and then decide” he insisted.  “Ok, gotta go.  Congrats on the make out, thank God it was a cute one! Oh, and burn that sweatshirt- you can’t leave the house in a sweatshirt ever again, you are single now!  Bye!”

After breakfast and a nap, I called my parents to fill them in, tell them I was totally broke and cut off from everything but that I was safe and back in LA.   My parents were frantic.  They didn’t like the way this was all going down and they were not shy about telling me.  “When are you calling a lawyer?” my mother asked.  “I don’t know, I need some time.” I kept saying.  Telling someone you want a divorce and actually filing for divorce is two very different things.  I had taken the first step and that was all I had in me for now.  I knew they were right but ugh, couldn’t it just magically happen?

The next day was Monday and part of me was thankful for a routine.  I got up put on my favorite “I feel powerful” pencil skirt and blouse then headed to the office.  A pencil skirt was always my outfit of choice when I needed a confidence boost or to feel bit more girl power.  I walked into the office and of course everyone acted like nothing was wrong or at least made a lame attempt to try.  After a tense hour of me checking emails and signing off on things that needed to be attended to Megan, our bubbly assistant said, “you know we should be celebrating!  This is a huge step for you, you are free!”  Ugh, just hearing it made me want to cry.  I kept thinking about my husband and if he was hurt, was he upset.  What did his family say?  I went outside to get some air, aka smoke a cigarette and I walked downstairs to the kitchen.

Our office was in my best friends house over the garage, he was home but still not feeling great.  I went into the kitchen to fill him in on the weekend and how things went in SF.  I suddenly started crying.  As we stood at the island and he tried everything he could to make me feel better with his wisdom while he was making fresh orange juice.  “You will get through this, you are one of the strongest people I know.  Divorce sucks but think of how great this will all be once you are on the other side.  You can handle this!”  He kept talking hoping to see something register on my face.  As I stood there trying to take it all in, I noticed a baggie of little cookies on the counter, as he is talking I picked up the baggie and ate one.  They were kind of bland and not interesting, slight peanut butter flavor, but I didn’t care and I went to grab another one.  Without skipping a beat or changing his inflection he looked at me grabbed the baggie and said “honey those are organic dog treats, not cookies!”

This was a new low.  I slumped down on the counter and buried my head… and started to cry and then laugh uncontrollably.   I went back up to the office and sat at my desk- with a big bottle of water.  I decided to get out a new yellow notepad and make a list.  No matter what shit storm I was going through the truth is I am a very fortunate person and I was not going to let myself have a pity party.

I wrote at the top; I AM BLESSED BECAUSE and then listed all the reasons; I have a wonderful supportive family, I have great friends, I have a roof over my head that is all my own, I am finally living an authentic life, I no longer am with a man that lies to me, I had the courage to leave a bad situation, I have a great shoe collection, I am going to Italy in a month, I get to see my family in two weeks when I go home for the 4th of July, I have three wonderful healthy and smart nieces, etc… you get the idea!  As I read the list allowed to my fellow office mates one of them asked “where are you going in Italy?”  I was going to visit a girlfriend who spent the month of July in Capri every year.  My parents were giving me cash for my birthday and I had a free plane ticket and place to stay- win win!   I really needed this trip.

My husband and I had been given two round trip first class tickets anywhere we wanted to go as a wedding gift.  The thought was to use them for our honeymoon and thankfully when he took Katy to Napa the weekend after our wedding they didn’t have to use them. Needless to say, he and I never went on a honeymoon, so I was taking myself on one.  Just as I started dreaming of blue water, sipping rose and Italian men my stomach dropped!  I quickly pulled up my confirmation email and dialed United Airlines.

“Yes, I need to confirm an international ticket,” I said and read the confirmation number into the phone. The operator read it back and then said “I am sorry ma’am we do not have a reservation under that confirmation number, are you sure that is the correct number?”  I read it again and she again confirmed no ticket.  “I have my itinerary and ticket number in front of me, from the airlines.  What do you mean I don’t have a ticket?” I asked while trying not to sound too upset.  “Oh, let me try the ticket number, sometimes the system glitches and it is easier to find it under that,” she said.  Whew, I thought and quickly read the ticket number to her.  “Oh, I see,” she said, “unfortunately the ticket has been canceled.”  “What? You need to un-cancel it!  I never canceled the ticket, that is my ticket” I was starting to feel less panic and more anger.  “I am sorry Miss Sanders I can not do that.  This is a world ticket and only the person who holds the account can re-instate this ticket.”  she said.   I slammed the phone down.

Goodbye blue water and Italian men, I knew that my honeymoon for one was never going to happen.  The account holder was a friend of my husband.  He is also one of two friends who knew about Katy the whole time.  A friend that I invited over constantly, cooked for, had at my Thanksgiving table, gave his daughter an internship, and that stood at my wedding in support of my marriage all the while full aware and participating in my husbands double life.  But this??? Canceling my ticket to a dream vacation without telling me, this was low!!!!  I had not wanted to have any communication with my husband since telling him, or the therapist telling him, I wanted a divorce but I picked up the phone and started dialing!   Of course he didn’t answer and I decided it was best to not leave that much anger on a recording.   As I hung up my computer dinged letting me know I had a new email, I opened my inbox and there it was.  “Hello Keylee, This is Andrew, Jonathan’s friend…….”

Single & Stylish,

xx keylee

I will never condone wearing sweats in public.  The only sweats I even own is a pair I stole from Jaxton and the sweat shirt I wore out that night.  But I do love being comfortable, here are some comfortable and cute alternatives so that no one has to wear sweats in public ever again!  As Karl Lagerfeld said “wearing sweats in public is a sign that you have given up on life”



*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.