One Got Married and The Other One Left.

After my dreamy night with Tony, I had to return to reality the next day. I was quickly jolted into reality when I received a Facebook message from Andrew, he was getting married and wanted to tell me himself. Yes, the same Andrew that was trying to get in my bed less than six months ago had met a woman fell in love and was getting married. It wasn’t that I wanted to be with him but really? He was getting married, already?

Should I congratulate him, I thought to myself? Damn, where is the middle finger emoji? Yes, that is what mature people do. So I shot him a quick Facebook message back, “Wow, that is such great news. Congratulations. Who is the lucky girl?” He replied back with some general, ‘thank you’ type of response and I let it go at that, it wasn’t like I really wanted to know who she was. It crept into my mind a few times that day and by the next day I was furious. I kept asking myself, was he dating this woman when he was in LA last? Was I, once again, the other woman? Technically I was the other woman to Katy; my x had met and dated her before he and I met. After two days had passed I couldn’t help myself and sent the aggressive email, asking all the questions I shouldn’t have asked. I wrote the email after half of a sleeping pill and two glasses of wine, I never read his reply- I just deleted it.

Journal Entry 4/21/ 13

The married one has my head, but I am protecting my heart. I think about Tony a lot. He is such a great guy; thoughtful, kind, smart, wonderful, follows through on what he says and …oh yeah, he is married, and he is leaving in less than a week. He actually said to me the other night, “you should come visit this summer.” I agreed and said I would love to, full well knowing that it will never happen. I knew I was in trouble when I let him come over to my apartment. I never let any men come over to my apartment.

On Tony’s last day in town, he would be working all day. At 6:30 am, I got a call from him. He was at my apartment building front door and wanted to come in. I jumped out of bed grabbed my toothbrush, went to the bathroom at the same time as brushing my teeth, threw some water on my face, ran my finger through my hair and answered the door. I only lived on the second floor, so I didn’t have much time. He was standing at my door with a case of wine.
“I told you I would get you some wine,” he said as I opened the door. I was in total shock; one because he remembered- he had said that the frist night we had dinner, and two because he was standing at my door at 6:30am. He brought the wine inside and sat on my couch, gave me a giant kiss asked me about what my day was going to be like and then kissed me again. He was already late for work, and as much as I wanted him to stay I knew he had to leave. As he stood up he said, “Please come see me tonight when I am done with work, I want to say goodbye properly.” I told him I would love to and watched him walk out my door.

His last night we stayed up most of the night and at 5:30am he left. He had text me as the plane took off and then when he landed he text, “I will miss you sweets.” That was that.

It had been six days, and I didn’t know if I missed him or the idea of him. I knew I missed the feeling of knowing someone was thinking about me.

Journal Entry 5/3/2013

“I want to be in love. I want to be loved.”

After a taste of someone caring about me, I realized that I realized missed having someone to care about and care about me in return. I guess I should be happy to have felt that, even if for that moment.

Journal Entry 5/28/2013

Hawaii for Memorial Day is just what I needed. I was reading a fabulous new book and now had a new favorite quote, one I still love today.

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

– Joseph Campbell

I had decided, at that moment, I knew what I really needed was to figure out how to love and care for myself. I wasn’t even sure what that really meant at the time but I would figure it out. I decided the first step would be to celebrate my birthday; it wasn’t for a couple of months, but I usually had lunch with a girlfriend or small dinner. This year I was going to have a party!

I had decided to move out of my apartment as well. Since we had closed the office a couple of months ago, Jack, and I and Style Studio did not fit into my 700sq ft space, and the party would double as a housewarming party! I hadn’t had a real party since my epic 29th birthday celebration, and this party would give me something to be excited about.

When I got back to LA I started planning the party right away even though I wasn’t sure where I was going to be living. Jack was all too excited to jump in and help- he loved anything to distract him from planning the actual move. I was also excited that week because my good friends from Napa were in town and had invited me to a wine dinner. It was always an interesting crowd at a dinner like this and the fact I was seated across from and painfully gorgeous Australian didn’t hurt.

Single and Stylish,

xx Keylee


*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

New Year, Same Me.


Happy New Year!!! After being sad during my first single Christmas since I was in elementary school, I was determined to make the most out of New Years Eve. In reality I hate New Years Eve, I have never had a great one, and it is always over-hyped and then a huge letdown. I had convinced myself this year would be different. I had bought a table at my membership club and invited a group of single friends. Once I decided I wanted to go out but didn’t want to chase the party everywhere. I wanted to be in one spot – this was a guaranteed party.

I wasn’t feeling my best in the self-confidence department and knew the NYE staple look for most women, short and tight, was not my cup of tea this year. The party was black tie, and I decided to wear my new favorite dress that Sam had bought me on our shopping spree in Miami. The green flowing DVF dress that made me feel like I was wearing Halston. New Years is a lot like Halloween in respect that you can get away with wearing just about anything; regardless of your age or the weather.

The girls got ready at my place; I had hired one of my favorite makeup artist, Lisa G to do our makeup and hair. I had massive hair extensions that I wanted to wear and knew that it was more than I could tackle. I popped the champagne, opened some caviar, and the night had begun. They had transformed the club into an underwater adventure, and it was fantastic. The night, overall, was fun, and I am glad I wasn’t sitting home crying into my whiskey, but per usual though everyone was drinking. People were getting sloppy drunk, and I was wondering who would be my midnight kiss. As the countdown began we all raised our glasses and shouted at the top of our lungs; five, four, three, two, one, Happy New Years! I did end up having a midnight kiss, but it was a gay BFF, so it didn’t count actually.

I woke up the next morning only slightly hung over and highly disappointed. Though I acknowledge that New Years is always a let down I love the idea of a new year. It was always exciting to me to think about being able to set new goals, feel refreshed, take a step forward in time without looking back- it was exactly what I needed this year. I was ready to tackle 2013 like a boss! So, of course, when I woke up I expected to wake up feeling like a whole new me; New Year, new me-, right? Nope, not the case. New year, same me. I laid in bed and stared at my chandlier on my ceiling.

The past year had been monumental. Maybe it wasn’t in the way I hoped and planned for but it was life changing. I talked to myself for a good hour saying things like; “you might not feel different today, but you never know what tomorrow brings!” And, “This is the first day of a new year, and anything can happen.” Then I had a bright spot, a light bulb went off. My divorce would become final with the state of California this year! California has a six-month statute of limitations and thought I didn’t know the exact date, I knew it would be sometime in 2013. That was something I could get excited about!

I had a brief thought of wondering what my x-did on New Years Eve and that lead me to think about New Years Eve 2012.

We had been invited by friends to Napa to attend a dinner party of a very chic couple that we knew through friends. It was a very grown up civilized dinner party, just how I like it. My husband had two friends that didn’t have plans, and he thought it was totally appropriate to invite them and their dates to come along. I thought it was completely and totally rude, and I could NOT believe the idea had even crossed his mind. We were basically guests of guests, and I was not about to invite more guests! He ended up asking the hostess because I refused. Being the gracious woman that she is, she suggested that they come after dinner to ring in the new year- as the dinner table was full. The two of my husbands friends that I am referring two were work colleges and close friends. I always had liked them, but when they showed up with “dates” that, I am fairly sure, were paid by the hour I decided I was not such a fan. I had never been so embarrassed, and I wanted to kill my husband!

At midnight grew near I decided to put it behind me and kiss my new husband at midnight! I was so happy; a new dress, new lipstick, and a new husband. It was my most perfect New Years Eve to date.

The next morning we went to breakfast with our hosts, loaded Jet into the car and headed back to the city. I was excited to have spent the quality time together with my husband even if it was just a few days. We were still newlyweds, and I would take all the time with him I could get. The day after Christmas, he had received an “urgent” call to from his boss. It seemed a group of workers at the company were preparing to strike, and they were pulling all the executives together for an off-site to come up with a plan to avoid it. It was urgent and had to be taken care of before the end of the year. In reality, he was spending time with Kathy. I would later learn he spent four nights six blocks from our home in a hotel with her and their dog. From the photos, I would later find on Facebook it seemed they had a wonderful time. Eating out, at our favorite places, seeing the tree in Union Square, working out together… It was just lovely. Thinking about it today makes me laugh. It is like Sliding Doors; one moment could have changed everything. Had I crossed the street at a different time, maybe I would have bumped into them or if a friend had said, “let’s go to dinner at Zuni.” I could have been seated next to them. I don’t know why I never caught them together, but it is fun to fantasize about what I would have said! It is definitely not rated PG.

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

I have never met a DVF piece I didn’t love, or at least like. The green dress Sam bought me is still one of my favorite gowns. The latest collection is no exception! Here are a few of my current favorite pieces.

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

All About The Lips.

Happy New Year!!! I had to take some time off the blog due to my schedule while styling a film, which is going to be amazing by the way! I am back and the blog will continue on its regular schedule. The story will catch up quickly and will back on track to two years ago before you know it!

I will be adding things to the blog in 2015 that will be informative, honest, tip giving, emotional and fun. Beauty, dating, men, women, style, travel, life… you will find a little bit of everything all with my usual Keylee Style flair. Please feel free to comment on any of the posts on my social media channels and share the blog with anyone, and everyone, you can!

I hope everyone is having a beautiful start to 2015!!!

And now onto the next part of my story…….

Continue reading

I Discovered I Had A Bad Habit.

After another incredible, yet over the top, evening with Sam and I was craving some normalcy. I love grand gestures and fun adventures but at the end of the day I am a girl that was raised on a cattle ranch in Kansas. I wanted to be in a relationship with someone who had some stability. That was not Sam. My relationship with him was a classic example of; what attracted me to him most was what I ended up not liking about him. Each time I suggested I cook for him or we stay in and order food, he found an excuse to why we should go out. Soon he found an excuse for everything. In my heart, I knew where things with Sam went wrong. I was too available, and he was the type of guy that enjoyed the chase. Yes, I wanted to get married again, but not next week! I have a bad habit that I must now confess; When I am dating someone I really like, I want to be with them. I know, I am an awful person. I make them a priority, and I try to be a good partner by making time and room for them in my life. I know we are all supposed to play the dating game, but I suck at it, and I think it is ridiculous.

This was a man who had admittedly had a crush on me for ten years and now that I was in front of him and available I scared him. “Scared him?” I don’t even know what that means; it is the dumbest excuse I have ever heard. I don’t want a man that spooks that easily (but, as I have found out it is a common excuse for men). After a few canceled dates, I was done and stopped returning his calls. I thought this would be the end of Sam… but is defiantly was not.

My friend Derek and I were at lunch a few days later, and I was filling him in on all the Sam updates, suddenly my phone rang. On cue, it was Jaxton. He wanted to know how I had been and if I wanted to have dinner. YES, abso-fucking-lutly! When I hung up the phone, I had a huge smile on my face. Derek looked at me and laid it out; “you know what your problem with men is?” “No, but I am super interested that you know, please enlighten me,” I said being my usual smart ass self. He continued, “you really need to stop this recycling program.” “What are you talking about?” I asked, being slightly defensive. “You! You recycle all your men. You need to meet new men! All the men you are dating are men from your past!” He said with, what I thought was, a total judgmental tone. Ugh, I hated to admit it, but he was right, I had a bad habit. Wait I thought “Not Andrew, what about Andrew? He was new” I said with great pride. “Oh yeah, because that worked out so well. Were you really about to move to Portugal and hang laundry outside for the rest of you life? I think not.” He was right again, and just the thought of that being my life sent us both into a hysterical fit of laughter… what WAS I thinking?

Jaxton was different though. He wasn’t just a recycled guy; he was Jaxton, my Jaxton. We had a very very long history; he was my happy place and my comfort zone. Sam and I clearly were not serious, not anywhere near exclusive so why would I say no. Technically we weren’t even still seeing each other, and technically I still had a husband. I felt that gave me free will to do whatever felt right go me. At that moment, Jaxton felt right.

The night before my dinner with Jaxton, Sam called again, and he finally got up the nerve to be honest. Well, that’s not exactly true; I confronted him and made him be honest with me. He gave me the “I think we are in different places right now” speech. I found it funny because when we were in Turks and Caicos his version of the same speech was “We are in the same place, and I want the same things.” My, my how a few thousand miles and two weeks can change a mans mind, though I couldn’t agree more. He was in the place of “I am single and have a boat load of cash, so no way do I want to date just one woman.” And I was in the place of “I am a bit fragile and want to date a good guy without getting serious right away.” I decided that if he needed to think that I wanted a serious relationship to make himself feel better about ending it, that was fine by me. If I have learned anything, it is that being in a relationship or even dating someone that has one foot out the door is never going to end on a positive note.

Dinner with Jaxton later that week was everything I expected; romantic, torturous and amazing. We got to reminiscing, which I loved and hated at the same time. I was heading to New York soon for work, and he began talking about a time when he and I were in NY together. He brought up the one memory that I had tried to forget so many times yet was branded clearly into my mind forever.

Many years before I had even met my current nightmare of a husband, Jaxton and I were in New York at the same time. It was the week before Thanksgiving, my favorite time of year in the city. He was there for work, and I was there to see friends.

We decided to meet for dinner, but he needed to make a stop before hand. He was producing the production of a major event and needed to check in on rehearsals. It was our private show; it was a few nights before the big show and no else was watching. This was something very few people will ever see, and it was magical. As we stood there, Jaxton overseeing things and me watching the Broadway dancers hit every mark, I wanted to pinch myself, what little girl doesn’t dream of something like this? Suddenly it started to rain and the next thing I knew we were running through the streets of New York on our way to dinner, ducking in and out of doorways, to avoid getting totally soaked… it was beyond romantic. We had a fantastic dinner, drank great wine, had lots of laughs and then decided to meet up with some friends at a bar. It was a perfect New York night, with the exception of one thing; one of us was not “available.”

I was staying at the Waldorf Astoria, and he was staying on the other side of town. We grabbed a cab, and the first stop was my hotel. The entire lobby was decorated for Christmas; garland on everything that stood still, a giant tree in the lobby covered in glass ornaments, twinkle lights glowing in the dark- it was spectacular. As we stood there we both knew, nothing could happen between us. It wasn’t our time. It wasn’t right. I have never wanted to kiss someone so badly in my life as I did at that moment. Jaxton leaned in, kissed me on the cheek and said goodnight. I stood at the top of the stairs and as he walked away. He stood on the sidewalk as the rain turned to snow looking back though the revolving door. It was a moment right out of the sappiest romcom you have ever seen… but it was real. It was one of the most difficult moments of my life. I wanted to scream out; I wanted to run after him. I couldn’t move. I could do nothing but stand there with my eyes welling up with tears. The doorman hailed him a cab, and he away he went.

Now that I look back I know that was the moment I realized I was truly in love with Jaxton. And now here we were over eight years later at dinner and just by talking about it took me right back to that moment, it still gave me butterflies. The only good thing was that so many years later, we were both available and the night would end very differently!

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

Just thinking about New York in the fall makes me excited and I still think it is one of the most romantic city’s in the world! Luckily I am traveling there next week for a friends wedding and this time of year is all about boots and layering!

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.