Did He Just Invite Himself?

I held off writing Sam back until the morning after we landed in LA.

“I am good, just got back from Paris. How are you?”

After I had slept in to combat my jetlag, I got up to unpack and run some errands. My apartment desperately needed fresh flowers and food!

The next day a package arrived at the office, I had no idea what I had ordered but I was happy to open it! As I opened the box I could tell, it wasn’t something I ordered, but something sent to me- a gift. It was from Peter, an early Valentines Day gift. The card was sweet, and when I open the box my mouth dropped to the floor. He had seen on my blog a handbag I had posted, the “it” bag of the moment, the Rag & Bone pilot bag. This amazing, beautiful bag was mine? Later that day a dozen heart and love themed decorated cupcakes arrived at the office as well.

I immediately called Peter, “Wow, thank you, but it is too much!” I said, of course, thinking how perfect it was! He was kind, sweet and very excited I liked the bag.

An hour later I get a text from Sam, “Are you still going to Aspen for Presidents Day weekend? I think I will come too!” Wait, what? I thought. Why would he come to Aspen on that weekend? How did he even remember I was going?

“Who are you coming with?” I asked. “No one, I figure we could hang out… I miss you.” Awe, I wanted to believe that he missed me, what a romantic gesture. We would have so much fun in the mountains playing in the snow! He was full of bullshit, but at that moment I ate it right up!

The next day Jaxton called to ask me out for Valentines Day. WTF was going on, was mercury in retrograde? It was like the ghost of boyfriends past were all coming back to haunt me! Sadly I would be in Aspen on Valentines Day, and now it looked like I would most likely be spending it with Sam and my friends. Jaxton rarely called me, and he never had asked me out for Valentines Day, I was sad I wouldn’t be home to see him.

My thoughts quickly turned to the fact that I hadn’t seen Sam in a few months and after eating my way through Paris I had one week to get my body back…. Totally doable- right? That night after work, I went to the gym before meeting a girlfriend out for sushi. After my workout I was feeling awesome; I had really sweated it out. I grabbed a towel and jumped in the shower.

Now a women’s locker room is always an interesting place and a women’s locker room in an LA posh gym is even more interesting! Some women have no shame and choose to walk around totally naked. Some pose in the mirror with no tops on and pretend to be fixing their hair, some try and cover their bodies with as many towels as possible. Then course there is Janice Dickenson shaving her lady bits by the sinks. Not kidding at all, it is an image I will never get out of my head.

I am somewhere in between. I have always loved my body, ok not always, but big or small it was mine and once I was in my thirties I decided I should be nice to her. I get out of the shower and squeeze my hair out. I would usually put on my underwear and walk to get some body lotion, but in my jetlag haze I didn’t bring a fresh pair. No biggie I thought, I will just go commando to dinner. Just as I rounded the corner of the lockers to get some body lotion, I see her. My one “would, coulda, shoulda” guys’ new fitness model child bride. I was stark naked, with extra of me around the middle, and she was a twenty-something fitness model who was dressed in a very chic outfit applying lip-gloss and adjusting her perfectly messy bun in the mirror. They lived in Chicago, why was she even in my locker room??? She had never been a big fan of mine, though I had only met her once or twice, and after a sly smile she turned on her heels and walked out, looking over her shoulder at me as she rounded the corner. I wanted to cry, but instead I just started hysterically laughing. I am sure everyone else in the locker room was convinced I was sharing pills with Janice Dickenson and had lost it, but at that moment if I didn’t laugh I would have cried and I had made vow to myself to not cry at the gym anymore.

She was married to my college love, Mark. He was my “one that got away,” even though I broke it off with him. I try not to have regrets in my life but if I had one, breaking up with him was it.

As I packed for Aspen, I felt myself getting excited and nervous that I would see Sam. I had not introduced a guy to my friends since I had left my marriage. In Aspen, I wouldn’t’ be able to avoid it. I packed the usual amounts of jeans, boots, cashmere, fur and a few things just in case I decided to ski. I also slipped in a few sexier pieces just in case I needed them.

I landed on a Wednesday, and Sam wouldn’t arrive until Friday afternoon, so it was the perfect time for me to settle in and see friends. After a boozy rosé lunch one afternoon the girls decided to go shopping. The new Rag & Bone store had opened and I just happened to stumble wonder in. After a few moments of wondering around I laid my eyes on the most perfect pair of leather pants I had ever seen. As I slipped them on I knew, I was in heaven. They fit like a glove, and my ass looked amazing! I had to have them. One issue; the price. I wasn’t really in a position to pay that much for a pair of pants; it was a half of my monthly rent! After a few moments, I had rationalized myself into the pants.

The next day Sam arrived into town and text me the moment he landed.

“I am here, what’s the plan?” He text.

“I will be at après later, meet me there?” I text. I didn’t want to seem too anxious.

I arrived at après the appropriate amount of late and walked in with a group of friends. I was a bit nervous to see him, and it bugged me. My friends and I went to the bar, I spotted him as moved across the room but didn’t didn’t let him know. He moved toward me at the bar and smiled. Once I saw him, I couldn’t help but show my excitement.

After several rounds of drinks, we decided to clean up and go for sushi. Couple friends of mine were game, and I was excited for Sam to know them. I rushed home, showered and threw on my sexy Wolford tights with my favorite long sleeve ALC dress and headed to dinner. I was determined not to be an easy get that night, but it didn’t hurt to make him want it.

Dinner was amazing, Sam ordered a fabulously expensive sake. We ate sushi till we were going to burst, danced at a club, at the end of the night I said goodbye and went home.

Sam wanted to ski the next day and even though I was totally inept I said yes because I had an invite for lunch at the top of the mountain and could bring a guest. After lunch, I told Sam I would meet him at the bottom. He was a much better skier than I, and it made me even more nervous to have someone watch me while I took my time. By the end of the day, we were skiing together more, and it was perfect. After the we skied down during the last run of the day we went straight to après and had a drink! We had dinner plans that night as well so again; I went back to the house I was staying at; showered and changed. Only this time I decided to give my new leather pants a run. We were invited to a big group dinner, and though I was nervous about taking Sam, it was fun! He was interesting, funny, the right amount of attentive and made everyone at the table adore him. I am sure I was beaming. Soon after my 100th glass of wine, not a real number.. I am just estimating. We decided again went dancing and then decided to have one more drink….at his hotel. Needless to say I got to experience three-move man again and the next morning my walk of shame home in a full-length mink coat was not my proudest moment. I left his hotel early in the hopes to not run into anyone I knew. When I arrived at the home, my plan was to sneak in and get a few more hours of sleep. As I sat in the mudroom taking off my shoes and coat, my friend Ted walked up the stairs. Ted was a very close friend, almost like a brother.

“Where are you going this early?” He asked.

Before I could even make up a good excuse, a huge smile came over his face as he looked at me from head to toe (realizing I was wearing the same thing as last night).

“What?!?” I said defensively. Which only made me blush and look super guilty.

“Are you just coming in?” He said with a huge grin.

I removed my shoes, looked at him with a slight smile and said, “wouldn’t you like to know?” I walked down the stairs to my room and went back to sleep.

Single & Stylish

xx Keylee

The only thing I do not like living in Los Angeles is our lack of seasons! I have a lot of sweaters, boots, and coats that never get the wear they deserve. This time of year is my weakness, all the fabulous winter favorites go on sale!!! Here are a few things that are perfect for a mountain getaway or just enjoying brisk weather!

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Christmas Emergency! The Best Last Minute Beauty Gifts.

Girls love to find a little beauty treat under the Christmas tree. Let’s face it, none of us really #wokeuplikethis! In case you are still looking for a last minute gift for a lady in your life, here are a few of my favorites!

Moodstruck 3D Fiber Lash Mascara
Readers know how much I love this mascara so of course I think it makes a wonderful gift! Get the look of false eyelashes with a few strokes of the brush- no glue required!
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Hollywood Fashion Secrets Stylette
This stylish little bag is perfect for the desk at the office, handbag, locker, suitcase, car, etc. A mix of everything you could need in an just about any fashion emergency!
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Sephora Superstars
The best of the best! All of the glam-worlds favorites come together in one fabulous gift!
sephora sampler

Chubby Stick Travel Set
I love the gloss and feel of these chubby lipsticks! Travel sets are the best to try a new product or color and they come in a great mini cosmetics bag!
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Deborah Lippmann 15th Anniversary Polish Set
Nail polish to the stars, Deborah Lipman makes the most fun colors for every season and occasion!
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With only a few days left to shop you won’t want to wait to order! Start moving that mouse!

Happy Shopping,

xxx Keylee

Coffee Table Books; The Fool Proof Gift!

I love giving and receiving beautiful books as gifts. They are the perfect last minute gift, so stock up! Here are my favorites, old and new but all awesome!

Happy Shopping!

xxx Keylee

They Thought I Might Go Home.

Developing the tools to change your relationship habits is like trying to put a five drawer dresser from IKEA together and not have any extra parts- nearly impossible without professional help! So I did what I usually did; I had some wine with my girlfriends and then made an extra therapy appointment that month.

The next day a friend of mine called out of the blue and the first words out of her mouth were, ‘are you sitting down?” I had a bit of a hangover but through my fog I, of course, assumed she was pregnant or something equally shocking, but I would soon learn I was wrong. “Ok, I am,” I said, actually I was still lying in bed but close enough. “I just had lunch with Sandy and I think your husband was sleeping with Rachel as well!” I immediately started laughing, deep hysterical laugh. I don’t think this is the reaction she was at all expecting, but she began to giggle and then ask, “wait, why we were laughing?” It was hard for me to explain but, Rachel was an older woman who was divorced with children and had been our dog sitter at different’ times. Jet loved her so I always felt great leaving him with her when we would travel. I just never even thought my husband was that fond of her as well! I never assumed Katy would be the only one; it just wasn’t logical, but Rachel was the last person I every imagined. One thing was clear; my husband didn’t have a ‘type’. After finding out this new information, I went on to assume that he would sleep with, or had slept with, just about anyone. In all of my research and talking to both therapists, we always agreed that eventually I would learn about other women. Men who have this pattern of behavior never do this just once or with one woman. This was the first evidence, if you can call it that, I had that Katy wasn’t the only one, and I was surprisingly calm about it. I had become so detached from him that I really didn’t care if I found out he was gang banging hookers every weekend. It wasn’t like I ever considered going back to him. Ok, hookers might have been a bit too much but, later I would find out he had a thing for women who looked like hookers (probably real ones too).

Months later I found out that my close friends and family were terrified I would go back to him. This point has always been laughable to me, how on earth could they think that? At first I was offended, did they not know me at all? In my mind, there wasn’t a remote chance in hell that I would ever go back, but those close to me were not so sure. I guess they had never seen me that tortured and dealing with something that was so emotionally gut wrenching. I admit I was sad, I was depressed, I was angry, I was even a bit confused but I was never considering staying with someone who had destroyed every ounce of trust we had. My soul was crushed, but I wasn’t brain dead! I just had to do things my way. My biggest fear in life is looking back and saying “what if.” I have only said it a few times, and it haunts me still. I had to go through the process and find out all of the information I could before officially moving forward. No matter what it looked like on the outside, I was NOT going back. Ever. Even my nieces would sing the Taylor Swift song “Never Ever” whenever his name was brought up, I still think of them every time that song comes on.

November was shaping up to be a great month. I stopped dating (new men), I was focused on work, my divorce was on track and I tried to avoid thinking about the holidays. Since I was an expert at avoiding things, especially my feelings, I was doing a very good job of it! As we prepared to head to New Hampshire for the pageant over Thanksgiving, I was excited, and I had a lot of travel scheduled between now the new year. I knew the holidays would be tough so keeping busy was my solution.

The New Hampshire pageant was my favorite. It was small and very manageable; the people were always nice and it was a good way for us to start off the pageant season. I was even more excited for my travel plans after all the pageants and holidays were over! We had planed a trip to Europe: Jack me, my best friend and business partner Kent, Megan and Mackenzie. I was so excited I wanted to burst!

I was sitting in the office booking a trip to New York for December, and I got a text from Jaxton. He was annually invited on a ski trip for work that took place in Dear Valley, “want to come?” The text read; he always had a way with words. A weekend in the snow with Jaxton, roaring fire, red wine, s’mores, skiing, … how could I say no? I couldn’t, and I didn’t! December was shaping up to be a crazy month, but I was up for it! The best part is that we would be heading to the mountains two days after my court date. I would be in the mountains with Jaxton and free woman- dreams really do come true!

During my next session with Sabrina, I felt focused and ready for her to tell me what I needed in my emotional tool kit! She said the one thing I knew I didn’t want to hear. “You already have the tools; you just need to learn to use them.” I felt like I was Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when the Good Witch tells her how she has had the power to return home all along, and she just needed to click her heels. Ugh, such a rip-off answer. I wanted her to look at me and say, this is what you need to do. Steps A, B, and C and then this will all be behind you. But when was life ever that easy?

Sabrina did what any good therapist would do; we talked about how the recent situations made me feel. Then she made me tell her how they really made me feel with out my usual sugar coating. I cried a bit for maybe the second time ever in therapy and then we did our usual session of hypnosis to calm my mind. It was my new favorite thing, after a hypnosis session I felt like I had slept 10 hours. My mind was clear and my heart was light. It took away anxiety, and it helped me deal with situations without giving in to my panic. Sadly it didn’t last a super long time but I would take whatever I could get.

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

Don’t we all wish we could click our heels together and find our way? These are heel clicking worthy shoes!

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.