Ding Dong The Dickheads Dead!

It is a very surreal feeling to one day open your mail and get a notice from the state that your marriage is officially over. It is a true mix of emotions; happy, sad, elation, failure, success, motivation, excitement and so on. On March 18, 2013 I experienced that feeling (for the second time). I opened the papers telling me that as of March 14, 2013 I was officially and legally divorced – hallelujah! I also discovered that my x had not paid me the correct amount of settlement he owed me on top of that I still did not have my belongings back. I wanted my custom-made Chanel flats back, and I wanted them NOW!

I quickly sent out a group text to my close friends, letting them know the joyful news!

“Congrats!” “Can’t wait to celebrate!” “About fucking time!” were just a few of the cheerful responses I got. My favorite though was “Ding Dong the Dickheads Dead!” LOL, it still makes me giggle when I say it in my head, singing it like the Wizard of Oz original!

In light of this financial discovery, I called my lawyer and asked him what I should do. I made the phone call as quickly as possible; I had been very happy not paying him for the last few months, but I needed a word of advice. He suggested I try to resolve the matter directly with my x, via email, and if that didn’t work he would be happy to draft a letter and alert the court.

So I did just that. I constructed a very civil email stating that I needed my items back as soon as possible and that according to our final papers I was due additional money. He didn’t owe me that much money, but my settlement was such joke anyway, and I wanted to make sure I got all of it! He replied the next day letting me know that he was very busy. He was getting quotes from movers and would let me know shortly but he was sure to tell me that he was traveling a lot for work so it might take a while. Of course, sure I thought, it had only been 14 months, and I can totally see how he would need some more time to return things that didn’t belong to him! What a jerk I thought to myself but decided not to be a bitch about it. You get more bees with honey, right? I simply wrote him back to say that I understand he is busy, but I need the money, which he didn’t address at all in his reply, and my belongings back as soon as possible.

He sent me an email a few days later, telling me how tight money was for him right now. He also didn’t like the quotes he and been given by movers, so he was looking for a few more. I replied with a short and curt email stating that I would hate to have to get our lawyers involved. He quickly shot back an email expressing his hatred for my lawyer and his inability to bay any additional billable hours to his legal team.

The next day I was flying to Scottsdale to spend time with my family and our close friends. It was spring break for my nieces, and I couldn’t wait to see them. I was filling my family in on the great news about my divorce and mentioned that he still owned me money and my things. I followed up by telling them that I was looking at the bright side and focusing on how happy I was now that I was officially divorced. I also said that I was handling it myself, so I didn’t have to pay my lawyer again. Suddenly I noticed that my father was turning a shade of red I had never seen. When I asked what was wrong, he said this, “I am sick and tired of this shit and you being jerked around by him. Look, he returns your belongings and pays you your money right now, or I am taking over. My lawyer will handle the case, and I will keep his ass in court just for fun if I have to. Tell him I said that!” Damn I love my dad!

I have to admit that my parents had been wonderful during my divorce and, at my request, had let me handle it. It was my mistake, and I needed to figure it out myself and up until now I had been doing a pretty good job. I had only seen that look in my dad’s eye a few times, and I knew he meant business. It told him how thankful I was for his support but asked that he let me speak to my x before his lawyer did anything. He agreed.

After dinner that night I decided to write him another email, I got the point right away. I also cc’d my father. The email was something like this;

Dear x.

Good news, I agree, I would hate to have our lawyers get involved as well and to be honest I don’t’ want to deal with my lawyer either. The bad news for you is that it wouldn’t be my lawyer, it will be my fathers. He has stayed away from our divorce, per my request, but that is not the case any longer. I either have my belonging delivered to LA, and your payments brought current by the end of the month or legal actions will be taken. My father will control and fund all legal expenses on my end from this time forward. It has taken a ridiculous amount of time for you to send my things, and I am done waiting. I am sorry it has come to this. Please let me know your arrangements as you as you make them.


Well, within three days I had a check bringing his payments current, and I had a scheduled date to receive my things from the movers he miraculously found. It was a miracle- LOL.

Standing on the sidewalk of a Public Storage is not my idea of a fun time. As the unmarked moving truck pulled up, and I met the men who had my life in their hands, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. As they began to unload my life that was packed in boxes and wheel it into a storage unit I started to feel light-headed. Jack told me to sit on the curb and take a rest, even more glamorous than standing on the sidewalk. As I watched, things being rolled off the back of the truck I could tell things were missing. My coffee table, an area rug, my couch, etc. but at that moment I didn’t even care- I just wanted it over. Once they had finished loading the unit, Jack asked if I wanted to look to make sure everything was there. I told him to lock the door, we were leaving, I didn’t even want to look at the stuff.

When I asked the head guy what I needed to sign to get out of there, he said, “I was the guy who picked up all of these things from your husband.”

“Ex- husband,” I quickly corrected him.

He went on to say, “you know I think he really misses you. The way he talks about you, you can tell he still loves you, you know. He said he wished you didn’t move out.”

Trying not scream in the nice mans face I simply signed my name and said, “well then you can tell him he shouldn’t have had a girlfriend the entire time we were together and married.”

I couldn’t even look him in the eye, I took my copy of whatever it was I had signed and walked to my car. How dare he tell me that my husband misses me?? What fucking business is it of his? He had a lot of nerve, and he better be glad I had taken an emotional kick in the gut that day and wasn’t up to my full strength.

Single & Stylish,
xx Keylee


*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Breakthrough Or On The Verge Of A Breakdown?

Each day was better than the last, or at least it seemed that way to me. Settling into my new place helped me feel more ‘normal’ and I soon found myself in need of a routine. I had decided now that I had a home I was going to throw myself into work. The only hic up there was I needed to figure out what that work was going to be. I hadn’t had the functionality the last couple months to reconnect with all of my Los Angeles contacts; I knew that was just going to lead to questions that I didn’t want to answer. “How are you? What are you doing back in LA? How was your wedding?”   You can see where this is going and it was a rabbit hole I avoided as much as possible. A week or two after moving into my new place I was asked to go to Hawaii with friends and had zero reason to turn it down, it wasn’t like I was busy. I loved the ocean and for someone living in California I had spent a surprisingly small amount of time in Hawaii. My husband had lived there at one point and had given me advice on places to visit and activates to do while on the trip (yes, we texted semi-often and I had told him about the trip). Yes, this was nice of him to give me these pointers but it also made me want to smack him. Two years prior he had given me trip to Hawaii for my birthday, a trip we never took. Though he managed to take a trip to Hawaii in the past two years, it just wasn’t with me. I could only assume his tourist advice was solid because the photos of he and Katy swimming with dolphins, paddle boarding, having romantic dinners, that she had posted on social media, all looked very fun! Basically I could only assume he took her on my birthday trip, what an asshole!

My friends and I arrived and settled into the house, which had this great infinity pool facing the ocean. After unpacking I sat at the edge of the pool to watch the beautiful Hawaiian sunset. Maybe it was the jet lag or the mai-tai’s but I suddenly started to cry… again. This time it was an uncontrollable cry, heaving shoulders, snot running down my face type of cry.   I know what you are thinking and yes, it was very attractive! That day I sat on the edge of the world and just let it all out let and when I was done I felt 100 pounds lighter. I slept like a baby that night and woke up the next morning knowing that everything was going to be ok.   No doubt I have cried since then, heck I think I cried last week while I was writing, but not like that. That was the last time I let myself really cry over him.

While I was away enjoying paradise I got an email from my best friend, he had suddenly become seriously ill. He was like me and rarely asked for help so the fact he knew I was traveling and was asking for help assured me it was serious. I did not only fear for his life but I realized the company we had built together had began to suffer as well. He needed to focus on his health and being the type of friend I am, and some may say pushy broad, I had no problem telling him just that. He and I were as close as two friends could be. We met judging a pageant over ten years prior,  years before I even thought of moving to Los Angeles. He was one of the reason I pushed my first husband to move to California. We had worked together for years (I had ran his talent agency when I first moved to LA), he stood up for me at my wedding, we had traveled the world together- it was safe to say we had a long history of love and friendship.   When he needed me, I didn’t hesitate for a second and I know he would have done the same.

Our company, no his company, wasn’t your typical business, but the business of beauty. He was the owner of the Miss California USA, Miss New York USA and Miss New Hampshire USA franchise and at this point the girls were a month away from competing at the national competition, Miss USA. Needless to say there was a lot to be done and not a lot of time. We had started the business together in 2005, then it was just the state of California, and I had departed the company in a full-time capacity in 2007 to focus on fashion. Though I hadn’t worked for the company full-time in years I knew exactly what needed to be done. I had been the first national title holder to be given a directorship and having been Miss Teen USA myself I understood exactly what the girls were going through. Before even leaving the islands I was on the phone with the employees, legal team, accounting team, public relations team, etc. Informing everyone that I was headed back to LA and would be taking over, all matters needed to be directed to me moving forward, I wanted him to be able to fully focus on his health and know that I had everything under control.   I was once again the Co-Executive director of Miss California USA, Miss California Teen USA, along with the respective titles in New York and New Hampshire. The Devil Wears Prada was a favorite movie among my friends and I; they soon began calling me Miranda (in reference to Meryl Streep’s’ wicked character). I wasn’t quite that bitchy but I didn’t mind the reference, there was a lot to be done in a short amount of time and I was in no mood for bullshit from anyone. I thought keeping myself busy was a genius idea. I soon figured out that those around me were happy that I was working but watched me a bit like a ticking time bomb, just waiting for a the full breakdown. I was soon balancing, therapy, my new home, a new staff and three beauty queens.   I of course thought this was no big deal!

When he and I applied for the franchise license so many years ago we wanted to change the face of pageantry, make it new and fresh!  In a lot of ways we did, he did.  Over a hundred other people had applied for this position and we were thrilled, yet shocked, they picked us. I was not your typical pageant girl but I saw the tremendous opportunities that came from competing in the Miss Universe system- at any level. Being Miss Teen USA honestly changed my life and I wanted to pass that along to other young women. I wanted to make a difference for these girls, and let’s be real, I wanted to make some money. If you are setting out in the world to make money take this advice; do not become a pageant director. The beauty pageant business is a lot fun, a lot of hard work and can be very inspiring but all of those awful stories that are forever tattooed on the world of pageants are true on some level.  Something inspired them and I the moment I started working in office again I was quickly reminded of that!

Though it wasn’t my dream job, per say, I loved it on some level and working made me feel alive. I was in a much better head space when I was working each day. It gave me confidence, purpose, and most of all a reason to get out of bed each morning. I was not used to feeling like I had no purpose in life and no motivation. That had been one of the hardest things about the last couple of months. I had moved out of the house I shared with my husband months ago, so in my mind, as irrational as it was, I felt I should be moving forward at a much quicker pace. The whole grey cloud I was living in made no sense to me and it was extremely frustrating.   It all just made me angry. I was finally starting to get mad and I was being told it was a good thing- I was not so sure.

Not only was the team and I preparing our titleholders for Miss USA, my husband and I were in therapy, a lot of it. I realize that may sound crazy and I am sure you are asking why I even bothered; I know my family and friends were asking me that. So here is the reason, it was simple- I wanted answers. I wanted to know why this had happened and I needed to try to wrap my brain around what he had done. I was desperately trying to understand it. We agreed to go to a therapist in San Francisco.  I would fly up and have a session with her, then we would have a session together, then I would have phone sessions, he would have sessions alone with her and then I would have sessions with my therapist in LA. Needless to say it was way too much.  Though he was pushing for “dates” with me I still had not been alone with him since the night in San Francisco a few weeks after I walked out and I still didn’t want to be. What I wanted was for him to walk into therapy and say, “this is why I did this to you” and for whatever that explanation was, I wanted it to make total sense and for him to give me the answers I needed. As you can guess that obviously didn’t happen. It was a lot of “I am sorry” and “I never meant to hurt you” and “I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you” and “I miss you” and so on and so on and blah blah blah!   Again, he started to sound like the teacher from the Peanuts cartoon.

The one good thing that started to come out of all of this therapy was that I was starting to crack. The numbness was fading and I was starting to feel again. Though what I started feeling was unexpected.  I soon feared I would need even more therapy to learn to deal with all of this.  No one has ever accused me of being touchy feely or call me emotional so this new Keylee that was someone I had never met and I sure hell had no idea what to do with her.   I was weeks away from three girls, I was responsible for, competing at a national competition, I was going to therapy more hours per month than I had collectively gone my entire life, I was partying my ass of to distract myself from all of it and then decided to start making major life decisions.  Was this a recipe for success?????  I will give you three guesses and the first two don’t count.

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

As I started to rejoin the working world I decided I need a few new fun items for my career wardrobe!  Here are a few items to shake up your work wardrobe this summer:


*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

At Least He Married Me.

After the conversation with my dad I knew I had one more call to make, I had to speak to Katy.  Through much internet sleuthing I had found her number now was the time to call.  Once I got up the nerve to dial I reached her voicemail.  I left a message, “Hi Katy, you don’t know me but I need to talk to you about (insert his name here), can you call me back?”  I left my number and then a few moments later I got a text asking me to call her again.  Marcy, Andrea and I sat on the bathroom floor as I put the phone on speaker; I was still wrapped in a towel.  Katy answered in a timid shaky voice and I decided to be direct, I was in no mood for bullshit or small talk at this point

“I think you are dating my husband.”  The phone fell silent.

“What?”  She finally said.

“My husband, I stated his name, he is all over your Facebook and MySpace page, I am married to the man in all of your photos.”

“You must be mistaken, are you sure it is the same person?” she asked.  I was in no way surprised she doubted or questioned me.  Hell, I had the photos and still had moments of doubt.  “Yes, I am 100% sure that is my husband, I can send you our wedding photos!”  She fell silent again.  Then she finally uttered something I will never forget.

“It all makes sense now.”

This was exactly how I felt on so many levels.  I had so many questions for her and they started pouring out of me.

“Are you two married?  Do you have any children?  How long have you been together?  Where do you think he lives? Where do you live?  Have you been to my house?  Did you know I existed?”

I barely took a breath and gave her little chance to respond, I wanted to know everything.  I am sure her head was spinning and I have no idea if she knew about me prior to my message.   I was also afraid she would hang up at any moment and I wouldn’t be able to ask the questions burning my mind.  Hanging up is probably what I would have done if I were her, so I will always be thankful she did not.  She began to explain things as he had explained them to her, where he lived, why he traveled so much, etc.  and in that moment I whole heartedly believed that Katy was as shocked to learn about me as I was her.   As she spoke I could see he had covered his tracks well, though surprisingly when she was answering all of my questions I actually had the thought of “how on earth did this woman believe all of this garbage?”  Thinking of it now makes me laugh, I am sure Katy and many people that know this story, probably think the same thing about me.   I know I do.

As the conversation came to an end she said something that sent chills up my spine, and still does to this day.

“At least he married you.”

What? That is a good thing?  Like I won some grand prize?  I didn’t even know how to respond to that statement.   I later learned more information that explains why she would say something like that.  For now it just meant she could break up with him and I had to divorce him!   I was the one with insanely beautiful, not to mention very costly, wedding photos that I now wanted to burn.

After I finally hung up I didn’t know what to do or how to feel.  I just kept thinking, “wow, it is real, she is real.”  As Andrea and Marcy noticed that I beginning to sink into the floor again they sprung into action.  Get dressed they told me we have things to do.  I needed to get my belongings and before I knew it the girls had come up with a plan and were executing it before my eyes.    First up, finding a storage unit.  I would need a place to put the items I was able to get and they had found one near by.  Step two, get help- I didn’t know how much I would be able to move but I knew we needed help!  Andrea found a mover that I could pay by the hour; basically it was 3 guys and a big truck and she had called our girlfriend Leah.

Finally it was time I text my husband.  We decided I would be honest and tell him I was coming to the house to pick up some of my things and I needed him to leave.  Seeing him face to face was not something I could imagine.  At this point he was very accommodating and agreed to leave.  I told him I would need 3 hours and would arrive at 6:30pm, I kept all the text very short and unemotional.  Really, I knew it would take about an hour and I we didn’t plan to get there until 7- I wasn’t risking a run in. Leah arrived at Andreas (she even wore a sports bra or “business bra” as she called it, just for the occasion) and soon we were off- four girls, two SUV’s, three men and a one large truck.  As we pulled up to the building my stomach turned, it had only been just over 24 hours since I left and it made me sick.   When I walked into our townhouse I went numb, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t going to cry, I just didn’t feel anything.  I went directly to the office with Marcy and one of the movers, meanwhile Leah and Andrea headed to the bedroom to start on my closet.   As I stood and stared at my desk and computer I started to flash back to the moment I found out everything.  I could see myself sitting there discovering all the photos- it was sad.   Knowing that I was paying the movers by the hour I snapped myself out of it and started packing!  My desktop computer, files, and any documents were my first priority.   Once I had everything I could think of for the moment, I headed upstairs were the girls were packing up my closet onto rolling racks and wardrobe boxes.  I grabbed a few suitcases and started packing the important things; shoes, handbags, jewelry!

Next up the bathroom, at first I grabbed only my personal and essential things like I was going on an overnight trip.  As I looked around it all became very personal, I saw his toothbrush, his skin care products, his razor… the bathroom is a very intimate place.  For some reason as I moved through the house I kept thinking, “oh I can’t take that he will notice.”  I did not take any furniture, anything from the kitchen, any photos, any books… not much of anything.  As crazy as it sounds, I didn’t want to upset him.  Not want to upset HIM?  I know it sounds totally ridiculous; it isn’t like he ever considered if he was upsetting me the past 6 years.  But a tiny small part of me still thought, this will all be explained and all sorted out.  I am embarrassed to even admit that now- how ridiculous.  I didn’t break anything or take anything that wasn’t mine but I needed to do something.  I am not going to say that the following acts were or were not done but I will say this.  When some has hurt you deeply, betrayed you beyond your wildest dreams and you want to get back at him or her you could consider one of the following.  Take his or her electric tooth brush and use it to clean the toilet.    Just turn it on and use it to polish all of those tiny little hard to reach spots under the rim.  Lightly rinse, or not, and place back on the charger.  Another option is to open his or her very expensive face wash and add a little spit, shake vigorously when done and place back on the counter.  Some how these tiny little gestures will make you feel better I promise, or so I can imagine.

As the three men were carting things out of my home (now former home), through the lobby of the building and into the truck the doorman stopped me and said “ you know you need to schedule a move and you can’t do it after 5 pm.”  I looked at him dead in the eyes and said “I am not moving, I am fleeing and if you have a problem with it why don’t you take it up with my husband. “  I left 95% of everything I owned, 80% of that I would never see again.  Soon we were ready to go and there was one last thing I was NOT leaving behind, the dog!  I had no idea where I was going but I did know I was not leaving without my precious baby Jet.  He traveled everywhere with me and quite honestly I didn’t think my husband deserved him.  I knew it would hurt him deeply to not have our dog and when I looked at Jet’s little face, in that moment I wanted my husband to hurt.   Several of the photos Katy had posted online had a dog in them, funny enough it had the same nickname as our dog.  I guess that kept it simple for him.

We made our way to the storage unit, unloaded the truck, and headed back to Andreas.  I needed to snuggle with Jet and drink some wine.   We would spend all of Sunday holed up in Andrea’s living room; the Princess Bride, and me, Andrea, Macy and Maggie (she had finally arrived) with Chinese food and wine.  I had my things, I had my dog, and I had my plane ticket home.  The car would be there early in the morning to pick me up.  I was finally going home, a mixed feeling came over me.

Single & Stylish,

xx Keylee

I have made it very apparent over the years that I have a love for shoes & handbags, they were the first thing I packed from my closet!  So here are some of my favorites for Spring 2014!

*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life and my experiences.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.