Ding Dong The Dickheads Dead!

It is a very surreal feeling to one day open your mail and get a notice from the state that your marriage is officially over. It is a true mix of emotions; happy, sad, elation, failure, success, motivation, excitement and so on. On March 18, 2013 I experienced that feeling (for the second time). I opened the papers telling me that as of March 14, 2013 I was officially and legally divorced – hallelujah! I also discovered that my x had not paid me the correct amount of settlement he owed me on top of that I still did not have my belongings back. I wanted my custom-made Chanel flats back, and I wanted them NOW!

I quickly sent out a group text to my close friends, letting them know the joyful news!

“Congrats!” “Can’t wait to celebrate!” “About fucking time!” were just a few of the cheerful responses I got. My favorite though was “Ding Dong the Dickheads Dead!” LOL, it still makes me giggle when I say it in my head, singing it like the Wizard of Oz original!

In light of this financial discovery, I called my lawyer and asked him what I should do. I made the phone call as quickly as possible; I had been very happy not paying him for the last few months, but I needed a word of advice. He suggested I try to resolve the matter directly with my x, via email, and if that didn’t work he would be happy to draft a letter and alert the court.

So I did just that. I constructed a very civil email stating that I needed my items back as soon as possible and that according to our final papers I was due additional money. He didn’t owe me that much money, but my settlement was such joke anyway, and I wanted to make sure I got all of it! He replied the next day letting me know that he was very busy. He was getting quotes from movers and would let me know shortly but he was sure to tell me that he was traveling a lot for work so it might take a while. Of course, sure I thought, it had only been 14 months, and I can totally see how he would need some more time to return things that didn’t belong to him! What a jerk I thought to myself but decided not to be a bitch about it. You get more bees with honey, right? I simply wrote him back to say that I understand he is busy, but I need the money, which he didn’t address at all in his reply, and my belongings back as soon as possible.

He sent me an email a few days later, telling me how tight money was for him right now. He also didn’t like the quotes he and been given by movers, so he was looking for a few more. I replied with a short and curt email stating that I would hate to have to get our lawyers involved. He quickly shot back an email expressing his hatred for my lawyer and his inability to bay any additional billable hours to his legal team.

The next day I was flying to Scottsdale to spend time with my family and our close friends. It was spring break for my nieces, and I couldn’t wait to see them. I was filling my family in on the great news about my divorce and mentioned that he still owned me money and my things. I followed up by telling them that I was looking at the bright side and focusing on how happy I was now that I was officially divorced. I also said that I was handling it myself, so I didn’t have to pay my lawyer again. Suddenly I noticed that my father was turning a shade of red I had never seen. When I asked what was wrong, he said this, “I am sick and tired of this shit and you being jerked around by him. Look, he returns your belongings and pays you your money right now, or I am taking over. My lawyer will handle the case, and I will keep his ass in court just for fun if I have to. Tell him I said that!” Damn I love my dad!

I have to admit that my parents had been wonderful during my divorce and, at my request, had let me handle it. It was my mistake, and I needed to figure it out myself and up until now I had been doing a pretty good job. I had only seen that look in my dad’s eye a few times, and I knew he meant business. It told him how thankful I was for his support but asked that he let me speak to my x before his lawyer did anything. He agreed.

After dinner that night I decided to write him another email, I got the point right away. I also cc’d my father. The email was something like this;

Dear x.

Good news, I agree, I would hate to have our lawyers get involved as well and to be honest I don’t’ want to deal with my lawyer either. The bad news for you is that it wouldn’t be my lawyer, it will be my fathers. He has stayed away from our divorce, per my request, but that is not the case any longer. I either have my belonging delivered to LA, and your payments brought current by the end of the month or legal actions will be taken. My father will control and fund all legal expenses on my end from this time forward. It has taken a ridiculous amount of time for you to send my things, and I am done waiting. I am sorry it has come to this. Please let me know your arrangements as you as you make them.


Well, within three days I had a check bringing his payments current, and I had a scheduled date to receive my things from the movers he miraculously found. It was a miracle- LOL.

Standing on the sidewalk of a Public Storage is not my idea of a fun time. As the unmarked moving truck pulled up, and I met the men who had my life in their hands, I got a sick feeling in my stomach. As they began to unload my life that was packed in boxes and wheel it into a storage unit I started to feel light-headed. Jack told me to sit on the curb and take a rest, even more glamorous than standing on the sidewalk. As I watched, things being rolled off the back of the truck I could tell things were missing. My coffee table, an area rug, my couch, etc. but at that moment I didn’t even care- I just wanted it over. Once they had finished loading the unit, Jack asked if I wanted to look to make sure everything was there. I told him to lock the door, we were leaving, I didn’t even want to look at the stuff.

When I asked the head guy what I needed to sign to get out of there, he said, “I was the guy who picked up all of these things from your husband.”

“Ex- husband,” I quickly corrected him.

He went on to say, “you know I think he really misses you. The way he talks about you, you can tell he still loves you, you know. He said he wished you didn’t move out.”

Trying not scream in the nice mans face I simply signed my name and said, “well then you can tell him he shouldn’t have had a girlfriend the entire time we were together and married.”

I couldn’t even look him in the eye, I took my copy of whatever it was I had signed and walked to my car. How dare he tell me that my husband misses me?? What fucking business is it of his? He had a lot of nerve, and he better be glad I had taken an emotional kick in the gut that day and wasn’t up to my full strength.

Single & Stylish,
xx Keylee


*All of the events I have written about in the above and previous posts are about me, my life, my experiences and from my point of view.

© Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Keylee Sanders, Style Studio LLC and KeyleeStyle.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.